Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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