We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize