Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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