Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
