I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
