I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
