while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
