eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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