No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
