I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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