does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
