You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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