he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
