have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
