I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
