every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
there is glitter all over my balls
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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