When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
