This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
