Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
