just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
