She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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