Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
