Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
