Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
