Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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