fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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