He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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