And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
