I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
