a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
