I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i came on her dog
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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