Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
