Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
