Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
