Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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