yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
