Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
