I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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