Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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