Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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