DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
