Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
