Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
