I can text with my tongue
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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