i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
