3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
