he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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