did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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