I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
