he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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