Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
