ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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