I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
