You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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