How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
