hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
