Dual....:-)
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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