all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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