I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
