i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
