apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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