no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
