My girlfriend figured out who you are.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
