You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
