Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
