I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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