i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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