Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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