You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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