i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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