Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
