im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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