happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
