It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
