That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
