i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
