Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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