Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
