I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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