I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She's the barista slut.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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