She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
