The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
