u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Don't make out with my wife yet
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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