Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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