the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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