me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
