WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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